Here I Am

woah..its been like, 8 months well,things changed Alot,i mean alot, since i was last here.. i've moved to pj! and well,the biggest change of all i'd say is the fact that i let her go (shazz, bill, rith.. Yeah, I did. unbelievable eh? i miss you guys btw.shazz the most.. XD bill the least. choosy me! haha) and i've got like only tonight to blog.. since i just found out i even had a blog. sobS. oh well.. today.. i was kinda just hoping to meet up with her. DENG, two weeks of hols and i met her only once... and we werent alone!! but,as that rationalizing painful voice in my head said when i felt rather down about it, "be happy with what you have!! seeing since i came here. haha! in fact i even forgot i started one.. *laughs*
her once is alot better than not seeing her at all! waiting is a part of everything! " Waiting? yeah.. i've done enough of that long time ago. but wth, i'm with her, i want her and most of all i trust her. anyway, i was glad that she was happy and smiling,not to forget laughing alot that day. that made me happy too. yeah,cheesy, but, seeing her happy makes me smile. STOP.. happy thoughts happy thoughts.. Think happy thoughts! got one! i bought a PSP! wuhuu! and Final Fantasy Crisis COre,made it all the more worth it. too bad Zach had to die.. poor aerith,waited for 4 years till she finally met cloud. and then she had to die. XD

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I "Brewed" something for how i feel right now.. i'm getting all emo. Deng.

Sometimes just seeing you smile completes me ,
But ,sometimes I want it to be more.More..

Hopefully that's what you want as well.

Sometimes you make me laugh and sometimes you make me cry so bad
that I can't breathe.
all i can say is that pain and love are simply two sides of a coin.

Sometimes being with you I feel so
complete and sometimes when I am with you, you
make me feel so empty.
An emptiness that i despise so bad.

Sometimes when I see you I'd just want to run up to
you and hug you and never let you go, but
sometmes I wish I could hit you so hard hoping
that it would knock some damn sense into you.

Let me hug you forever,and it still wouldnt be long enough

Sometimes you talk way too much and its cute, i like it.
BUt.. say something i want to hear. like i love you.

And sometimes you don't
talk at all- which makes me wonder.

Sometimes I wish I could read your mind and sometimes
I wish that you could read mine.
because all thats in mine is only of how much i love you.

I do love you...
But sometimes I wonder if you love me. or does Love even have a significant meaning to you?

sometimes i fear that i went too deep.. because sometimes the only thing that I can think about is how
much you Don't love me...

I am who i am.
love,loving and being loved is something i take seriously.
i made mistakes. Admitted and true.
but i never repeat them.
Behind trust,the doubt is always there.. creeping,lingering and waiting to eat me up.
i deny it, but i can only lie.

and what do i do about all of how i feel?
i know, that it hurts sometimes because it has to.
But when will the pain ever end?
when..?

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(the usage of colours in my writing? thanks jamie =) )